My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
