Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
