So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
