don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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