They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
