Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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