You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
