so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
