Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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