I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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