if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
