I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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