I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
