Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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