my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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