It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
