i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
