Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
