I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
