I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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