My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
