i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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