I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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