I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize