update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize