Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
