I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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