it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
