I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
