Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
