so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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