Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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