you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
