I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
