Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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