you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
