I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
