I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
