I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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