please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
