Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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