if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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