I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
