trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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