I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
