I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
