I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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