he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
