Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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