there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
