Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
