I'm really into asian looking animals
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she told me i tasted like america
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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