i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
