I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
