I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
