what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
