he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
