The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
