the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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