We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
