I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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