i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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