I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
